Item 3234: 63-Note "La Cucaracha" Cylinder (Hirschelbaum 243), Ca. 1953
Beginning with his 1947 15-note rendition of "The Muffin Man", Shlomo "Slow-Mo" Hirschelbaum deftly transformed world-famous melodies into mini-masterpieces that all but defined the soundtrack of bygone Summers. His earliest charts graced the prickly brass cylinders of the "Eulalie" Electrically Amplified Mobile Music Box (Cunningham Transportable Musical Advertising Company, Cleveland, OH) of the early 1950s. Few of these precious artifacts survived the musical mass-extinction that accompanied the advent of electronic music boxes. Sadly, most of us know Hirschelbaum's oeuvre only through the tinny bleating of those noisome contrivances.
Item 3234 is a Ca. 1953 Eulalie cylinder bearing Hirschelbaum's magnum opus: his 63-note, (nominally) 25-second "La Cucaracha", still a perennial California-Land favorite. Noted as much for the notes he excised as for those he left behind, Hirschelbaum's "Roach Song" (as he loved to call it) is especially appreciated for his daring decision to set it in Waltz time and for the unusual anacrusis that begins each musical cycle.
A scant 258 of the 63-note Hirschelbaum Cucaracha cylinders were issued, and only in 1953 and 1954, until the publisher withdrew them from production due to complaints from ice cream van drivers, who reported that a full cycle of the song could stretch an entire city block, reducing sales. Indeed, the song's distasteful subject matter (a disabled cockroach) and the fact that it conjured images of spicy Mexican food, rather than refreshing ice cream, probably also contributed to its short run, while dramatically increasing the rarity and value of Eulalie cylinders of the tune. Surprisingly, a slightly modified rendition of the 63-Note Hirschelbaum "Cucaracha" is still available on certain electronic music boxes.
This particular cylinder (serial number 187) has been field-modified by filing or hammering down certain note-pins in measure 5 to reproduce the rhythm of the opening anacrusis and hard-soldering three additional pins after the last measure to provide an (unnecessary) transition between the verse and chorus that would likely have left the otherwise mild-mannered Maestro Hirshchenbaum sputtering with rage. Given the rarity and historical significance of the present item, the Museum's Curator grudgingly acknowledges the modification as an "acceptable variant" of the original cylinder.
A recent audio recording of item 3234, played on a late-model Eulalie unit (with the Morrison traction adapter to accommodate this early-model cylinder's large girth and lack of a gear drive) is available in the Museum Curator's office, and may be auditioned upon written request.
Over and over, we're told of the current financial crisis, "No one could have seen it coming."
I disagree. The 2,000 year-old Tao Te Ching, by Lao-Tzu says:
When rich speculators prosper While farmers lose their land; when government officials spend money on weapons instead of cures; when the upper class is extravagant and irresponsible while the poor have nowhere to turn- all this is robbery and chaos. It is not in keeping with the Tao.
Seems to me that someone — anyone — could have seen this coming.
One of my first posts on this site was a riff on hearing an NPR announcer appear to say that the "Tao was off 16 points in heavy trading". I'm back to the Tao and finances again.
In the '80s, the stereotypical Soccer-Mom accessory for the family mini-van was the "Baby on Board" sign, which even made an appearance as a the hit song of Homer Simpson's Barbershop Quartet group, the Be-Sharps:
In the 2000s, it's this thing: a series of cartoons representing the members of a family plastered across the lower-left corner of the family gas-guzzling SUV:
What's up with that? Are people so proud of their reproductive capacity that they have to advertise it on the back of their cars?
Believe it or not, this one is actually from the web site of a company that sells these things: and it's become so popular that people actually put this, just as is appears here, on their cars:
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“My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.” — Penn Jillette
That's how the British ex-anarchist-punk-turned-acoustic-folk group Chumbawamba introduces themselves on their MySpace page, where they've featured "Add Me", a hilarious send-up of MySpace and the creepy types that you sometimes meet there.
The song is infectious as heck: a hilarious send-up of scary Social-Networking encounters with a bouncy folk-pop sound that completely belies its creepy lyrics:
I'm a loner alone with neuroses and hate. Anger is a permanent character trait. My letter bombs are primed and they're ready to send. Would you like to add me as a friend?
I'm a wound-up whiner with a fetish for guns. I'm almost fifty and I live with my mum. I hope my nude picture doesn't offend. Would you like to add me as a friend?
Chorus: Add me, add me, Me mother says she wish she never had me. Add me, add me, Would you like to add me as a friend? Would you like to add me as a friend?
I'm a recovering alcoholic; I rarely leave my room, Peeping through the curtains in my dark costume. The voices in my head, god they'll get me in the end. Would you like to add me as a friend?
I'd really like to mail you the picture that I drew, It's Kylie's body, but the head is you. I've asked you fifty times before, I'm asking you again, Would you like to add me as a friend?
Chorus
Here's a picture of me in my Nazi uniform Doing a trick with an egg that I like to perform At a monster truck rally that my mom and me attend. Would you like to add me as a friend?
I've added Britney, and Paris, and you and Tom, I'm gonna find your address so I can visit you at home. I don't like people, but I like to pretend. Would you like to add me as a friend?
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Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without correct postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Affix additional postage as necessary. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. 10 percent real fruit juice. Penalty for private use $300. See label for sequence. Always read and follow label directions. Substantial interest penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Watch out for falling rocks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. If you experience an arousal lasting more than four hours, consult your physician immediately. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. Serving suggestion. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Do not exceed your tow capacity. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Store in a cool, dry area. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. Formatted to fit your television. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Agreement with the contents of this blog may be a symptom of a rare, but serious side effect. Your mileage may vary. This blog does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this blog freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Enlarged to show texture. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. This blog is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity blog. No shoes, no shirt, no blog entries. Quantities are limited. While supplies last. Second item free with purchase of item of equal or greater value. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or intentional misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking entries from this blog may be hazardous to your health. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure. May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. NOTWITHSTANDING ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY IN THIS AGREEMENT, MEMBER AGREES TO DEFEND, INDEMNIFY AND HOLD HARMLESS THIS BLOG, ITS AFFILIATES, SUBSIDIARIES, PARENT COMPANIES, AGENTS, NETWORK SERVICE PROVIDERS, CONTRACTORS, SUBCONTRACTORS, NEIGHBORS, STRANGERS PASSED ON THE STREET, SUPPLIERS, PARTNERS, OFFICERS, DIRECTORS OR EMPLOYEES IN CONNECTION WITH THE ENTRIES THEREIN FROM AND AGAINST ANY AND ALL LOSSES, CLAIMS, LIABILITIES, EXPENSES (INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ATTORNEYS� FEES), PENALTIES, FINES, DEATH, INJURY TO PERSONS OR DAMAGES TO TANGIBLE PROPERTY ARISING BY VIRTUE OF OR RELATING TO ITS CONTENT AND/OR THE INABILITY OF MEMBER OR ANY THIRD PERSON OR PARTY TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT. This supersedes all previous notices. It is understood that you have read and agreed with the terms stated in this disclaimer.
